Everyone is different. To really understand what’s going on with people in a given situation, you need to tune in to what’s going on beneath the surface. Pay close attention to what people say or do first. What do they emphasize in their behavior or speech? People focus on different things: taking action, details, concepts, feelings, or other people. Listen for values: things that ignite passion and emotion. Adapt your style and behavior by responding in a way that eases the transaction and promotes a productive outcome.
Use mental rehearsal to think about different ways you could engage. Picture the response. Try to see yourself acting in opposing ways to get to the same outcome: being tough, letting others decide, or deflecting the issue. What cues would you look for to select an approach that matches what you want to accomplish? Now, focus on the situation at hand and the player involved: which approach will likely yield the best outcome?
Managing the first three minutes of any situation is essential. The tone is set. First impressions are formed. Work on being open and approachable. This means putting others at ease. It means initiating rapport, listening, sharing, understanding, and comforting. Approachable people get more information, know things earlier, and can get others to do more things. The more you can get others to speak up early in the process, the more you will know about where they’re coming from and the better you can tailor your approach.
